Relationships

Relationships are fillers..fillers of empty spaces within. When I say filler, I just mean it factually and not in any derogatory or frivolous sense. I don't mean just relationships between people..I mean relationships covering the whole gamut..Relationship with emotions, with pursuit of knowledge, relationship with children, relationship to a spiritual guru, relationship to one's work, to one's pet, to one's aspirations, relationship to monetary power, prestige, to one's beliefs, to one's actions etc etc. Whether articulated and comprehended or not, the "other" in the relationship is given as much status (read importance) as the empty space demands..in other words, as much importance as there is a need to fill that.

Been pondering over this for a while now..one's relationship with oneself. What makes someone think/say/do/not do a certain something. At the base of it has to be something which is the basis of a relationship with one's own needs. At the base of that is likely to be his/ her own life experiences which have led to those basic needs to get fulfilled/ satiated.

May life unfold in its own time to give answers to these wonderments..

Power

Someone says something loaded in a possible attempt to rub in a gentle message in an opportunistic way..someone says something primarily taking care of their self interest first and twisting their need to sound like yours..Someone says something in an attempt to flatter as prework for enjoying some favours later. Someone calls after ages and has a long winded conversation only to insert one last point, btw.."I wanted to check something with you...." Someone says something for which I feel a temptation to respond to further it since I seem to like what I just heard...

And this from a person who essentially bases life on the formula of "Trust first, unless proved guilty "

The awareness is enjoyable..it gives me a certain sense of power at being able to choose how I wish to respond to these. Succumb spontaneously or take little more time to choose my response? Succumbing spontaneously could involve giving it back in a fitting manner ( a punitive location to feel the power from getting even) or say yes in a weak moment (and then feel a victim to manipulation) or enjoy the flattery in the moment (and feel used later) or feel touched at being remembered fondly only to feel bugged that there was a hidden agenda after all...The residual feeling that any of these would leave is nothing great..

In the moment, I have started detaching myself and observing the process as a spectator..makes me less judgmental, less reactive, more aware and choose my response so as to not let the situation / person affect me..loving it this way..

I like the sense of power I am able to exercise over myself and the situation..

And this from someone who has always been described as being gullible..